Knowing
Skunk-Ape: Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no!
Howie: Skunk-Ape, you’re panicking! Calm down!
Skunk-Ape: OF COURSE I’M PANICKING! Vampire knows you’re a human and I’m gonna be arrested for having you in my house!
Howie: Look we don’t even know if vampire KNOWS that you know!
Howie: Vampire knows that I’m a human but maybe Vampire doesn’t know that YOU know. You know that Vampire knows, but if he DOESN’T know that you know then he wouldn’t know that YOU know that HE knows.
Skunk-Ape: Okay… now I’m panicking AND dizzy.
Fate
Howie: I guess I DID always dream of becoming a monster.
Skunk-Ape: I always dreamed of eating a meerkat.
Howie: Who knows? Maybe I’ll LIKE being a vampire. I DO like to sleep late. And everyone looks good in black, right?
Howie: I didn’t particularly want to be an undead creature of the night, but I guess sometimes fate has other plans.
Howie: Stupid fate.
Skunk-Ape: Stupid zoo security.
Option Three
Skunk-Ape: Don’t worry, kid. We’ll think of something.
Howie: It’s either I go to the festival and become a vampire, or skip it and have everyone hate me. But there’s another option we’re both avoiding.
Howie: I could leave town.
Skunk-Ape: No!
Howie: I wish there was another option, but there’s not always a fairy-tale ending.
(Outside the window, there is a hand, holding a magic wand.)
Fairy Interesting
Magic Fairy-Lady: Wake up, kid! It’s FAIRY MAGIC o’clock!
Howie: HUH? Fairies, now? PLEASE. Isn’t this stretching the definition of MONSTER a LITTLE too far?
Magic Fairy-Lady: OK, firstly– Look who’s talking. Yeah, that’s right. You ain’t fooling ME with the whole werewolf bit.
Magic Fairy-Lady: And second– I can make PUPPETS come to LIFE. That doesn’t freak you out? ‘Cause it scares the FAIRYDUST out of me!
Less Than Helpful
Howie: That’s it! OF COURSE! I just have to become a REAL-DEAL werewolf!
Howie: Magic Fairy-Lady, make me a WEREWOLF please.
Magic Fairy-Lady: Nuh-uh. Here’s the thing.
Magic Fairy-Lady: I can only turn stuff into things they already KINDA look like. A puppet KINDA looks like a boy. A pumpkin KINDA looks like a coach. But kid, you don’t look like a wolf.
Howie: Then what DO I look like?
Magic Fairy-Lady: I can offer you stockpot or turnip.
Print Preferences
Skunk-Ape: So now Magic Fairy-Lady knows!?
Howie: RELAX. She won’t tell. She used to help humans all the time.
Howie: And anyway, I wouldn’t have come up with my plan if it wasn’t for her.
Skunk-Ape: Oh, YES. Just how DO you plan on becoming a real werewolf?
Skunk-Ape: You’d need a BITE from a werewolf and I don’t think there are any left in town.
Howie: Hmmm. I guess there’s always the ‘drink rainwater from a wolf’s pawprint’ method.
Skunk-Ape: OH. So you’ll DRINK MUDDY PAWPRINT WATER but you won’t eat my squirrel stew?
We’re Off to See The Professor
(Howie and Skunk-Ape reflected in a rain-filled wolf pawprint. Howie has his tongue out about to drink from it.)
Howie: OK. Here goes.
Skunk-Ape: Wait!
Skunk-Ape: I’ve got a better idea. It’s time you met our neighbour.
(Howie and Skunk-Ape are in front of gate. There is a sign on the gate reading BEWARE OF KITTEN.)
Skunk-Ape: The Professor is reclusive, but he’s a true genius.
Howie: How does this ‘genius’ expect THAT sign to keep people away?
(A giant kitten face appears over the gate. Howie does not see it.)
Howie: Lemme guess. Giant kitten face?
Forewarned is Forearmed
(Skunk-Ape and Howie are walking toward The Professor’s lab, past a giant kitten.)
The Professor: (Via loudspeaker.) ATTACK! Crush them in your powerful jaws!
Skunk-Ape: Pay no attention to that man behind the kitten.
Skunk-Ape: That’s just a recording. The professor and I are friends.
(Skunk-Ape undergoes a retina scan. The screen beneath the sensor reads ‘OK’.)
Skunk-Ape: The Professor has a knack for genetic manipulation. He not only knows DNA inside out and upside down–
(Doors open to reveal a four-armed man waving.)
Skunk-Ape: He PREFERS it that way.
Something Went Right in the Lab Today
The Professor: A standard issue human! They still make these, huh?
Howie: So, Professor, what’s with the multiple limbs.
The Professor: Funny story, that one.
The Professor: I was teleporting myself from my loungeroom to my lab, but I forgot to check the pod for CREEPY CRAWLIES.
The Professor: Luckily, there weren’t any. Then when I got to my lab, I injected myself with bug DNA.
Twelve Minutes
The Professor: This potion WILL turn you into a wolf… but the results will only be temporary.
The Professor: VERY temporary. The effects of this potion will last for about TWELVE MINUTES.
Howie: TWELVE MINUTES?!
The Professor: Better to use the time wisely then to drink any LONGER of the vile brew! Lest the WOLF overcome you and your humanity be lost… FOREVER!
The Professor: Also it tastes TERRIBLE. It’s supposed to be choc-banana flavour, but it SO isn’t.