Monsterhood

(Miss Gorgon loading her clarinet with toothpicks.)
Miss Gorgon: Enough of this! How about some dying music! Forgive me if some of the notes are a little sharp!

(Vampire being overwhelmed by toothpicks.)

Miss Gorgon: Cornered! Want to see if I have any toothpicks left?
Vampire: Argh!

Miss Gorgon: Scared now, huh?
Vampire: No… there’s a Dirty Harry/Rain Man mashup t-shirt idea here and I can’t… quite… get there.

(Vampire enters his castle through a interdimensional moth-hole.)
Vampire: Ahh, dimension sweet dimension.

(Vampire holds his chest.)
Vampire: Well, that was inconvenient. But now it’s all been resolved, I can– HGERK!– get back to– GAK!– what I was–

(Vampire collapses. Darkness is encroaching.)
Vampire: Hmm. I can’t help feeling that I’ve forgotten something. ERG! Oh, that was it.

(Darkness.)
Vampire: The part where I was dying…

(Vampire’s point of view. Darkness.)
The Professor: Vampire, wake up.
Vampire: Huh? I’m not dead dead double dead?

The Professor: Mothman here brought you to me. He told me about the spliters in your bloodstream.

The Professor: I mounted an electromagnet in your chest to repel the wood shrapnel from your heart. I call it the Bark Reactor.

Vampire: So, it will allow me to function exactly as I was before?
The Professor: Yes. In fact, I see no need for this to ever come up again.

Vampire: Well, you tricked me into a murder situtation, but then you saved my life. You’re despicable, but likeable. You’ll fit in great around here.
Mothman: Thanks! Your dimension seems nice.

Mothman: Although, the fabric of space time in this universe as a terrible aftertaste.
Vampire: Yeah, we’ve had some time travel mishaps.

Vampire: Right now we have grown up versions of two local kids stranded here for the future of a cancelled timeline.
Mothman: What?! Don’t you have a unicorn in his dimension to prevent that sort of stuff?!

Vampire: We used to… sort of… he erased himself from ever having existed. I’m not sure how we even remember him!
Mothman: Any other gross violations of the continuum I should know about?!
Evil Future-Robot: Yo.

Skunk-Ape: The Invisible Man is my only chance to step down as mayor. We have to find him. Luckily I am an expert hunter.

Howie: I don’t mean to question your abilities, Skunk-Ape… but you hunt squirrels. We’re talking about a person here.

Howie: Also– and I think this is pretty important– we can’t see him.
Skunk-Ape: So the only difference is we’re hunting for a man who’s invis–

Skunk-Ape: OH! That’s why he’s called the invisible man! I just got that!
Howie: Maybe I do mean to question your abilities.

Howie: Finding the invisible man will take more than hunting skills. We’ll need to be super sleuths!

Skunk-Ape: Hmm. I disagree. Even with a cape a sleuth is far too slow. And they only have three toes.
Howie: No… that’s a sloth. I’m talking about becoming detectives!

Howie: We’ll use out superior powers of observation to track down an invisible man. We’ll be the greatest gumshoes that ever lived!

Skunk-Ape: That sounds kinda gross.
Howie: They are not shoes made of gum!

Skunk-Ape: The invisible man may be invisible, but his invisible feet will still leave not-invisible footprints. Here are some tracks now!

(Webbed footprints in the dirt.)
Skunk-Ape: Hmm. No. These are Swamp-Creature’s.

(Trail in the dirt.)
Skunk-Ape: Biomass.

(No sign of any footprints.)
Skunk-Ape: Henry Poltergeist.

Skunk-Ape: (Shouting.) Attention monsters! This is mayor Skunk-Ape!
Howie: I’m telling you, you’re gonna feel silly.

Skunk-Ape: Anyone who is invisible, please raise your hand!
Howie: Wait for it…

Skunk-Ape: Wait a minute. I’m forgetting something.
Howie: Ah, the penny drops.

Skunk-Ape: How will we tell the handraisers apart?
Howie: And rolls into a storm drain.

(Skunk-Ape and Howie are searching the Library shelves.)
Skunk-Ape: What are you looking for?
Howie: Sherlock Holmes. He’ll figure this out.

Howie: The stories in the library are made real by the Doubt-o-Dome. So if Sherlock will help us, he’ll find the Invisible Man for sure.

(Howie is reading the book and the words are floating above it. It’s a joke about the Sherlock TV show, yo.)
Howie: Huh. Cool effect.

(Skunk-Ape barges in like a doofus and the letters go everywhere.)
Skunk-Ape: Find anything?
(A lowercase ‘k’ hits Howie in the eye.)
Howie: Ow! Pointy serifs!