Monsterhood

Automated Message: (Over speakers) One minute until self destruct!
Henry: You’ll just have to hold it, Howie.
Keep your mind off it – help us find the teleport room again!

(Howie walks past a door labelled Project: ARTIFICAL WATERFALL)
Howie: Gah!

(He walks past a door labelled Project: ARTIFICIAL OCEAN)
Howie: GNNGHH!

(He walks past a door labelled Project: TELEPORTER)
Howie: Gah! Teleporter sounds likes Porta-Potty!
WAIT! I found it!

Evil Future-Robot: Good Work, Howie! Get that door open. I’ll keep a lookout for the drones.
(Howie begins opening the door, revealing a lot of Clone Drones.)

Clone Drone: What’s got four thumbs and is about to kick your butts?
This guy.

Howie: Professor? It’s us! We’re here to rescue you.
Evil Future-Robot: No, Howie! Those are CLONES! THIS is the Professor!
Howie: What?!

Evil Future-Robot: Why did you think I was carrying a brain?
Howie: I thought it was a WIZARD OF OZ thing!

Clone Drone: (holding very pointy weapons) They’re after our honey!
Sting them!
STING THEM!

Henry: THAT looks painful.
Howie: IT IS! I’m busting!
Henry: I meant their weapons. Where’s the Unicorn when you need him?
Howie: He’s right h- Hey, where did he go?

Unicorn: (having located Weapon U) A-HA. I thought I might find you here.
I caused my own future. The irony.

Weapon U: UNICORNS ARE REAL!
Unicorn: Haven’t looked in the mirror yet, huh?

Weapon U: You’re ME from the FUTURE?
Unicorn: YES. I’ve come to DESTROY you.

Weapon U: OH. Won’t that destroy YOU as well?
Unicorn: We’re too dangerous. We can’t be allowed to live.

Unicorn: Look, I know from your point of view you were only just invented so what I say next might be confusing…
But I need you to know…
I FORGIVE you.

Unicorn: I wanted to make that clear before I erased you from existence.
Weapon U: Thanks?

Howie: Henry, you can phase right through these guys – you should get out of here!
Henry: No way. Not this time.
Let me talk to them.

Henry: BEEFESSORS – I know you’re upset and confused and you think we’re attacking your hive. But we just want to get back to our HIVE.
And my friend here really, REALLY needs to use the little bee’s room.

(Howie is shaking with the effort of holding it in.)
Clone Drone: LOOK! The square-headed one is using BEE language! STAND DOWN!

Henry: They think you’re dancing! They’re letting us through! What a relief!
Howie: Don’t say water relief!

Automated Message: (Over speakers) Ten seconds to self destruct!
Von Krieger: ARGH! They got away! And there’s no way I can get to the teleporter in time.

Automated Message: Nine… Eight… Seven…
Von Krieger: Oh well. I guess the CAPTAIN always goes down with his SHIP.

(The ‘KA-BOOM’ of a large explosion.)

(Von Krieger flies away from said explosion in a spaceship.)
Von Krieger: Lucky for me, I’m a COLONEL.

Howie: (Having teleported) GOTTAGOGOTTAGOGOTTAGO
Evil Future-Robot: Hey, where are the goons?

Goon No.1: I’m tired of waiting for the boss. I say we trash the place.
Goon No.2: Hey look! Puppets!
Sock Puppet: Welcome to the Punch and Punch Show!

Goon No.1: Don’t you mean the Punch and Jud- OOF!
(Goons are both punched with the sock puppets)

Vampire: (with sock puppets on his hands) Now YOU say VAMPIRE’S A JERK.
It’s kind of a THING around here.

Howie: (having relieved himself) Ahhh…
Unicorn: Hey Dude.
Howie: Argh!

Howie: You’re alive!
Unicorn: NOT QUITE. I destroyed my past self. Big time travel no-no if you want to keep on EXISTING.

Unicorn: (fading away) Before I disappear forever remember what I told you.
You MUST be a HUMAN to save them.
Not a WEREWOLF. Change back. Before it’s too late.
Goodbye, Howie.

Howie: WAIT! Save WHO? From WHAT?
AND WHAT WAS WITH THE HAT?!

Evil Future-Robot: I’ll just take Supercomputer his new eye.
Henry: Don’t worry, Professor. We’ll get your body back SOMEHOW.

Henry: Hey, would it upset you if I leave this suit here?
I’m gonna take it back to the store tomorrow, but I can’t take it home tonight… Miss Gorgon and this suit have HISTORY.

Henry: Thanks, Professor.
Sigh… I wish the Invisible Man WAS real…
Maybe HE’D know how to help you.

Henry: Bye, Professor.
(The Invisible Man’s hat begins to vibrate ominously.)

Von Krieger: My WORK… My RESEARCH… All of it… It’s GONE.

Von Krieger: The MONSTERS did this…
I don’t care about their stupid Doubt-O-Dome anymore.
I want REVENGE.

Unknown Voice: Well Colonel, what if I could help you REBUILD your facility AND have your vengeance on the monsters?
Von Krieger: Huh? Who are you?
Unknown Voice: Glad you asked.

Richard Successful: I’m Richard Successful.