Monsterhood

Vampire: I wonder if i can get that guy to walk into that pole if i shine sunlight in his eyes? Wait, where’s my mirror ?
Scientist: [holding yo-yos] Time to get in some practice… Wait, one’s missing.
Miss Gorgon: Wait, where are my hair extensions?
All Three: Gnomes!

Vampire: seeing as no one knows where the entrance to the gnome tunnels is, i’ll use my bat-sonar to detect underground activity. then, we dig Skunk-ape out.
Miss Gorgon: Vampire! that could collapse the tunnels! the gnomes would have nowhere to live!
Vampire: hey, that’s right! this plan gets better and better!
Howie: I know where the secret entrance is.
Vampire: shh, Howie. Growns-ups are talking.
Howie: I do! that’s how i got into the town.
Vampire: see? those tunnels bring nothing but pain. Let’s get digging!
Miss Gorgon: augh! lead the way, Howie.

Miss Gorgon: why did you bring the shovel?
Vampire: so we can still go with my plan if the kid’s making it up.
Howie: ta-da!
Miss Gorgon: how about that!
Howie: you really think skunk ape is down there? how did they get him through the door?
Vampire: gnomes are highly skilled at magic.
[Tiny skunk-ape trapped in jar]
Gnome 3: how do we undo this?

Howie: Vampire, you’d better turn into a bat or you won’t fit through the tunnels. Miss Gorgon:
[Vampire turns towards Miss Gorgon]
Vampire: Listen, if i don’t make it back, i want you to know–
Howie: why wouldn’t you make it back? just follow me!
Vampire: I mean, if something bad happens to me while i’m down there, please know that i–
Howie: what could happen? it’s not like you can die again.
Vampire: say i’m flying blind through the tunnels and a stake like tree root pierces my heart–
Howie: i thought you had sonar!
Vampire: ARGH!

Vampire: i’m surprised you didn’t get lost in these tunnels. good thing these fungi are lighting our way… but i don’t see any gnomes.
Howie: i didn’t see them on my last time through either.
Vampire: they’re probably topside stealing more stuff!
[gnome pops out]
Gnome: hey! we do not steal stuff!
Howie: is that skunk-ape’s fork?
Gnome: Except for this fork!

Vampire: Easy there short stuff! remember the monsters code!
Gnome: you triggered the alarm! you’re a human! these mushrooms glow when a human passes by. it’s a warning system set up by the gnomes of old. we just caught a human, and he’s got fur, just like you! although his is brown, not black… and he has no wings… and he was bigger… come to think of it, the mushrooms didn’t glow when we carried him past… uh oh.
Howie: what do you mean he WAS bigger?

Gnome: several months ago, we found the mushrooms aglow and we knew a human had entered the town through our tunnels. THAT’S when we thought of our plan. we three are the only gnomes left but we were once a race on many.
Vampire: yeah, many thieves.
Gnome: we are not thieves! we only take when others have too much! a vampire has no reflection so he did not need a mirror! the professor had four of his toys. we only took one. and this world has billions of humans– we only plan to shrink a few hundred to rebuild the Gnoman Empire!
Other Gnome: we’re gonna need more hats.

Vampire: so if the plan is to make people gnome-sized, why did you make skunk-ape smaller than any of you?
Gnome: let’s just say my command of magic is not as great as the gnomes of old, so i don’t know how to make him bigger. but with a few more test humans, i’m sure one will come out the right size soon. now, which one of you is human? reveal yourself now or you will both remain here forever!
[both are now small and inside jars]
Howie: Thanks for not turning me in, Vampire.
Vampire: actually, i was pointing behind your back but it must have looked like flapping.

Skunk-ape: Vampire, you’re still full size! well, full bat size, anyway.
Vampire: i guess the gnome chief thought i was small enough already.
Howie: wait a minute… are you planning to change into yourself to break out, then then back into a bat to fly us out of here?
Vampire: is that a good plan?
Howie: yeah!
Vampire: then yes.
[Vampire changes into himself to break out, then then back into a bat to fly Howie and Skunk-ape out of there]
Howie: woo! Vampire, do a loop-de-loop!
Vampire: are you holding on?
Howie: yeah!
Vampire: then no.