Monsterhood

Professor: Convert DNA code into computer code? I guess it’s possible. But dividing the robot? All too plausible. The robot is actually made of cells, similar to organic beings.
Howie: No way!
Professor: I have a sample here. see for yourself.
Robot Cells: Ready for instructions!

Professor: I’ll need to keep the creature here for a while. perhaps by studying it i can see how it divides.
[Professor opens door]
Professor: This is where I keep my entire animal collection– From alligator to zebra!
[alligator and zebra growling at each other]
Professor: I should probably separate those two. Or make a zebralligator.

Professor: i’ll let you know if i find out anything useful. in the meantime, we’re gonna need some help in case the robots take over.
Howie: wait a second.You want ME to go to all the monsters, monst of whom HATE humans… and convince them to help me save humans FROM monsters… without revealing i AM a human? sounds possible.
Professor: hey! if i gave up ever time i thought something was impossible, i would never have become simultaneous quadruple yo-yo champion.

Vampire: so, the human race is gonna be enslaved my robots? i know! let’s turn all the humans into vampires. problem solved. you in?
Mummified pharaoh: good for them! slaves are a great way to get things done! whether you’re building a pyramids OR a robot army!
[skunk-ape wrapped in huge snake]
Skunk-ape: i’d love to help out, but, you know… snake.
[Howie talks to robot]
Howie: ok, so this is kind of a long shot…

Howie: i’m betting that you only want to destroy all humans because super-computer programmed you that way.
Robot: go on…
Howie: let me teach you what being a human is like, and then you can decide for yourself.
Robot: OK!
Howie: ok, first you gotta talk like a human, so lose the robot accent.
Robot: LIKE THIS?
Howie: No, too robotic. try again.
[text bubble and font changes]
Robot: Like this?
Howie: much better.

Howie: a big part of being a human is emotions, so let’s work on those.
Robot: Which should i try first?
Howie: how about happiness?
Robot: Happiness activated! er… now what do i do?
Howie: Well, there’s a human song that says if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands. i guess you could do that.
[Robot claps hands]
Howie: Argh! sparks! stop clapping! STOP CLAPPING!

Howie: Some humans set life goals for themselves. a list of things they’d like to achieve and when.
Robot: Well, i did map out a career trajectory once…
[shows poster on wall]
Robot: …although it probably needs reviewing now.

*meanwhile at the lab*
Professor: i will now begin studying the fuzzy-creature. the creature will not multiply during the tests as long as i can maintain a relaxed environment.
Skunk-ape: Professor!
[skunk-ape has giant snake wrapped around him]
Skunk-ape: YOU GOTTA HELP ME!
[creatures multiply]
Professor: SKUNK-APE!

Professor: i can’t believe that dumb snake ate my test subject… ALL of my test subjects! now i have no way of studying their DNA, which means i can’t convert their DNA to computer code, which means i can’t figure out the program to divide the robots, which means i can’t figure out a way to stop it! Unless…
[Lightbulb pops up above the Professors head]
Professor: Yes! that’s it!
Skunk-ape: hey, you finally perfected the hoverbulb!
Professor: Yeah, but i’m still getting opposition from the socket manufacturers. AND the people who right those jokes.

Super-Computer: THE PROGRAM IS READY TO DOWNLOAD. I CAN BEGIN MULTIPLYING TH ROBOT AND TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
[Professor to Skunk-ape]
Professor: Skunk-ape! Take this note to Howie as fast as you can. it is our only hope.
[Robot the Super-Computer]
Robot: I don’t KNOW WHAT to do! i’m PROGRAMMED TO DESPISE HUMANS but i feel like i UNDERSTAND them now. I’m feeling very diviDED about THE WHOLE thing.
[robot starts to multiply]