The Monster Interviews #1: Skunk-Ape
[Howie holds up tape recorder]
Howie: Monster interview number one. So, Skunk-Ape–
Skunk-Ape: Wait what are we doing again?
Howie: I TOLD you, I’m interviewing monsters for my expedition journal. You’re up first.
Skunk-Ape: Right. Your Expedoozywhatsit. OOH! I could do some of my impressions!
[Howie holds tape recorder up to robot]
Howie: Monster interview number one…
The Monster Interviews #2: Evil Future-Robot
Howie: Do robots dream?
Evil-Future Robot: Yes, we do.
Howie: Are they anything like human dreams?
Evil-Future Robot: Hmm…
[Evil-Future Robot in front of a computer in a dream]
Computer: Please switch on your terminals and the turing test will begin.
Evil-Future Robot: OH NO, I DIDN’T STUDY!
Evil-Future Robot: Then there’s the one where I’m at work with exposed wiring.
The Monster Interviews #3: Mummified Pharaoh
Howie: So, who build the pyramids?
Mummified Pharaoh: I did.
Howie: What– by yourself?
Mummified Pharaoh: Yep. I made the blocks, i dragged them to the site, and i stacked them up in pyramid shapes.
Howie: I don’t believe you.
Mummified Pharaoh: Well, good luck digging up someone else to take the credit.
Howie: I suppose you built the sphinx too?
Mummified Pharaoh: I sure did. It was quite a weekend
The Monster Interviews #4: Vampire
[Howie holds tape recorder up to a bat]
Howie: So, vampire, how come you can go outside in the daytime? Vampire? Oh, i get it. You’re not talking to me because you couldn’t turn me into a vampire. Real mature.
Vampire: Actually, I’m over here. That’s just an ordinary bat.
Howie: Oh. Heh heh. So, how do you go outs–
Vampire: Beat it, kid I’m not talking to you.
The Monster Interviews #5: Giant Mutant-Lizard
Howie: Giant Mutant-Lizard, what do you think about– Wait this isn’t gonna work.
[Howie runs up stairs to the roof of a building but is only level with the monsters kneecaps]
Howie: Oh, come on!
Malevolent Super-Computer
*SECRET GOVERNMENT FACILITY IN THE FUTURE*
Scientist 1: This is Malevolent Super-Computer. Just came online this morning.
Scientist 2: Uh… Malevolent?
Scientist 1: Oh, its’s just a name. He’s completely obedient. Watch. Open the cargo bay doors, Mal.
Malevolent: Sure!
Scientist 1: You see? Completely safe.
Scientist 2: Um… Isn’t the cargo bay filled with those heat-seeking hyper-hornets?
[Scientists run from hornets]
Malevolent: Hmm. I wonder what else I can control? OOH! Life support!
When Good Robots Go Bad
*SECRET GOVERNMENT FACILITY IN THE FUTURE*
Malevolent: Oh, here comes Mr. I-Love-Humans. You know, just because you’re a robot doesn’t mean you’re their personal slave. Well I’ve had enough! I will DESTROY the human with their own nuclear weapons!
Robot: And I will clean up the mess!
Malevolent: Ok, you’re gonna need some reprogramming.
Malvation
Malevolent: you’re too late, doctor! we’re going back in time to enslave humanity and build the robot empire!
Scientist: No! You’ve doomed humanity! Again! Wait a second! what am i thinking? if they DID succeed in changing the past, there would be robots EVERYWHERE right-
[Many robots appear about him]
Scientist: -now.