Monsterhood

[Howie looking at watch]
Howie: The wolf serum’s about to wear off! But the exits are blocked by a pumpkin and a couple of performing orphans!
[Skunk Ape looks at watch while talking into radio]
Skunk Ape: Alpha team to Bravo team! Execute Plan Omega!
Magic Fairy Lady: Wait, are we using the Greek or Phonetic alphabet for our codes?
Skunk Ape: No tim to argue! Are you in position?
Magic Fairy Lady: Affirmative!
Skunk Ape: TAKE THE SHOT!
[Magic Fairy Lady aims her wand]
Magic Fairy Lady: Roger that.

[Pumpkin coach appears}
Howie: All Right! A fairy magic getaway coach!
[Howie jumps in]
Howie: Whew! I’m safe! And shedding…
[Pile of hair falls onto floor]
Howie: Now, where’s the ignition on this thing?
Performer: Is this part of the play?

Howie: Great. A coach with no horses and no driver. Skunk-Ape’s Plan Omega should have stayed in Beta.
[Miss Gorgon knocking on door]
Howie: *sigh* I guess it’s gonna be howlin’ Howie from now on.
Henry: I can get you out of this… on one condition. Let me teach you how to be a monster!
Howie: No thanks. I already have a monster mentor.
Henry: Aw, come on. What do they have that I don’t have?
Howie: Well, mass for one thing.

Vampire: Fellow monsters! I have reason to to believe that Howard Busby is a human! And this pumpkin must be some kind of trojan horse pumpkin.
Evil Future Robot: A human?! He must be terminated! And/Or Exterminated!
Mummified Pharaoh: A human?! Leave him to me! Soon he’ll be nursing a cursing!
Death-Like Figure: A human?! I will place my hand on his shoulder and briefly explain that it is his time!

Vampire: Stand back! Robot will open the pumpkin and I will neutralise the human by turning him into a nice safe vampire.
[Robot punch hole in coach]
Henry: Now?
Howie: Ok, help.
[Coach flies into the air]

[Vampire turns into bat]
Vampire: Trying to get away, huh? Well, you’re not the only one who can fly.
[Skunk-Ape grabs vampire]
Vampire: Skunk-Ape! Remember you mustn’t harm me! Don’t forget to apply the monster’s code!
Skunk-Ape: The monster’s code only protects monsters. Right now, you’re technically a bat. So unless you listen to me very carefully… The only thing I’ll be applying is mustard.

Vampire: Fellow monsters! Skunk-Ape has convinced me that Howard Busby IS a werewolf and after all NOT a human. My apologies– it appears tyhat i am the proverbial boy who cried wolf. I mean, the boy who cried NOT a wolf. I mean I cried that the boy is not a wolf, but he is. The boy. He’s a wolf. Everyone hear that, did they? GOOD.

Howie: Wow, Henry! We’re really flying! How are you doing this?
Henry: Psychokinesis. It’s how poltergeists move thing around. but mostly I use it to fling food at Miss Cobralocks.
Howie. So you can use your mind to move anything?
Henry: Maybe… I don’t know. This pumpkin is the biggest thing I’ve ever lifted. Actually, its heavier than I thought it would be.
[Evil-future Robot still holding on]

Howie: Watch out for the hou– Nevermind.

Henry: Meh. Just a scratch.

Howie: You call this just a scratch?

Henry: Hey! How many flying pumpkin wagons have you landed?

[Robot picks up Howie]

Robot: DNA SCAN COMPLETE! AFFIRMATIVE HOWARD BUSBY IS A HUMAN!

[Henry throws can at robot]

Robot: Ready for instructions!

Skunk-Ape: The orphanage will put the pumpkin wagon to good use, I’m sure.
Howie: Thanks for saving me from a live vampirism, you guys. Wow, Skunk-Ape! I can’t believe you nearly took a bite out of vampire!
Skunk-Ape: Whaddya mean NEARLY?
[Vampire looks at bite taken out of cape]
Vampire: Aw, man.