Monsterhood

Howie: SKUNK-APE! You’re alive!
Old Skunk-Ape: HOWIE? But… you haven’t aged!
Howie: The Unicorn brought me to the future. How did you SURVIVE?

Old Skunk-Ape: (over flashback) I was playing hide and seek with Henry… I hid in the basement… I guess it worked like a fallout shelter.
(the ‘Thoom’ of the explosion is audible through the basement walls.)
Past Skunk-Ape: Huh?

Old Skunk-Ape: (over flashback) When I got out, the town was gone… at first I freaked out, but I quickly regained my sanity.
Past Skunk-Ape: (emerges from basement into a wasteland) Yaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhh!

(Flashback ends)
Old Skunk-Ape: (Holding a rock) Especially after I made friends with this rock!
His name is Howie, too!

Howie: Say, can I take a look at ‘Howie’?
Old Skunk-Ape: Ok, but be careful.

Howie: (Inspecting ‘Howie’) This isn’t a ROCK… it’s some kind of melted TOY.

Howie: It’s one of those MAGIC 8 BALL deals. You shake it and it tells you the future.
Except this one is stuck on IT LOOKS DOUBTFUL.
Hey… THIS gives me an idea.

Old Skunk-Ape: So glad you and Howie are getting along.
Howie: Are… are you talking to ME or…

Old Skunk-Ape: You think that will work…?
Howie: I hope so… follow my lead, okay?

Howie: Say, Unicorn. Are you SURE you stopped yourself existing? Because obviously you’re STILL HERE.
Unicorn: Just waiting for the timeline to refresh. I’ll zoip out any second.

Howie: I’m not saying you made a MISTAKE…I’m sure you NEVER make mistakes… right, UNICRON?
Unicorn: I…I guess it couldn’t hurt to go back and DOUBLE-CHECK.

Howie: Now!
(As the Unicorn prepares to travel back in time, Howie, ‘Howie’ and Skunk-Ape jump on his back)
Unicorn: Hey!

Unicorn: ARGH! What are you doing? I didn’t calibrate for passengers!
Howie: Hey, I have to at least TRY and stop the world from being destroyed!

Unicorn: You don’t understand! Your little stunt knocked me OFF COURSE!
Howie: You mean we could get there TOO LATE?

Unicorn: No, we’ll hit the right TIME point. We just might end up in an inconvenient point in SPACE.
Howie: Like where?

(The time-travellers arrive in the cell containing Evil Future-Robot and Henry.)
Unicorn: Like this cell.
Hey dudes.

Henry: (giving Howie a hug) Howie! I’m so glad you’re okay!
Howie: Henry, the world’s about to end. This is not the time to put KICK ME signs on my back.

Henry: No, that was a legitimate hug. I feel TERRIBLE for leaving you behind before.
Howie: Oh. That’s okay. Don’t worry about it.

Howie: I FORGIVE you.
(Unicorn is deeply moved by this conversation.)

Henry: (Sticking his hand through the wall) Hey, LOOK! I’m whatever the opposite of solid is again!
Let’s get out of here!

(The cell clangs as it unlocks.)
Automated Message: (Over speakers) Self destruct in five minutes.
Howie: Well done, Henry. Let’s roll, everybody.
We don’t have long.
Evil Future-Robot: Howie?

Old Skunk-Ape: (supported by Evil Future-Robot) I guess I’m too old to time travel.
Howie: Oh, Skunk-Ape. I’m so sorry.

Old Skunk-Ape: It’s okay… it was good to see you again after all this time.
Anyway, if you do change history, none of- why is there glitter everywhere?

(Unicorn is blowing his nose as he sobs. There is indeed glitter everywhere.)

Henry: Unicorn? Are you crying?
Unicorn: (crying) Pfft. Me? No. You are. Shut up.

Howie: Listen, I know protecting the timeline is IMPORTANT to you, but we need to-
Unicorn: I’m not upset about the TIMELINE!

Unicorn: It’s just… I thought I was doing the right thing.
I’m just as much a weapon now as I was when I was made.
That’s why I’m crying.

(Henry holds a bottle to Unicorn’s eye.)
Unicorn: My tears don’t do anything magical, Henry.
Henry: That’s okay. I’ll come up with something for the ads.

Howie: (To Unicorn) You can still do some good in the world, Unicorn. You can start by telling me how to stop it BLOWING UP!
Unicorn: Follow me.

(Unicorn and Howie approach two large generators.)
Unicorn: The self destruct sequence overloads these generators.
I just connected the generators to the secret weapons laboratory.

Unicorn: Disconnect the cable and you save the world.
Howie: (unplugging the cable) We did it!

Automated Message: (over speakers) Self destruct in two minutes.
Unicorn: You know the FACILITY is still gonna explode, right?
Howie: Wha…?

Evil Future-Robot: (Holding the Professor’s Magic 8 Ball) Okay, Professor. We’re gonna get you out of here.
Will you survive if we disconnect you?

Evil Future-Robot: (Reading from the 8 Ball) Signs point to yes.
Henry: Let’s do this.

Henry: WAIT – won’t the clone drones be mad that we unplugged their hive mind?
Evil Future-Robot: Relax. They’ll just revert to their bee state.

(A horde of Clone Drones looking very angry.)
Clone Drone: STING THE INTRUDERS!

Howie: Guys! This Place is still gonna blow! We have to get out of here NOW!
Henry: But I still need to get my suit back!
Howie: Okay, but be quick!

Henry: (Now holding suit) Okay, got it.
Evil Future-Robot: Wait. I still need to get an eye for the Supercomputer.
Howie: Ugh… hurry up!

Evil Future-Robot: Right. I’m back.
Howie: Ugh! Guys, this place is going to EXPLODE! NO MORE DELAYS! We don’t have- UH-OH.

Howie: Heh… okay, funny story. I really need to go to the bathroom.