Monsterhood

[Henry and Howie are in are in the Pumpkin wagon 2.0]
Henry: this is the helm… this is the tactical station… and this is the kitchen.
Howie: Kitchen. oh, i get it. so you can make the food fresh before you fling it at people.
Henry: actually, ive been doing a lot of thinking lately. pranks arent enough for me anymore. so ive been using the kitchen to do a kind of flying meals on wheels. so, yeah. thats what the kitchens for. The pie cannon on the other hand…

Howie: so you’re doing charity but still playing pranks?
Henry: thats right. the way i see it, i can get into as much mischief as i like, as long as i balance it out with good deeds! so for every pie in the face, someone else gets a helping hand!
Howie: what about your reputation? arent people suspicious when you serve them dinner that you might also hit the with dessert?
Henry: i did think of that yes. thats why i have someone to help me.
Howie: of course…
Invisible Man: No! Main course!

Howie: the pie cannon… could it be used to fire, say, newpapers?
Henry: i see what you’re getting at.
[cannon is fired]
Howie: now im done early, thanks Henry!
Henry: no! thank you!
Howie: what for!
Henry: Karma credits.
[Pie flies at Vampire]

Howie: oh great. now hes after us. nice going henry.
Henry: evasive maneuvers! we’ll hide out in the forest till the coast is clear.
Howie: no sign of vampire outside i think we lost him.
Vampire, standing in front of them: Periscopes work on mirrors, dummies.

Howie: i have this weird feeling of deja vu.
Vampire: robot. punch through the pumpkin, just like before.
Robot: oh, relax. kids will be kids.
Henry: what’s with the robot?
Howie: his memory resets randomly now. no memory equals no worries, apparently. makes you think. maybe we’ll all be a lot happier if we just forgot more stuff.
Girl: (waiting) im going to kill Howie

Gnome: you want to be human size again? but i only just shrank you… i thought you were committed to being a gnome?
Man: oh, i am! which is why i want to be human size… just while im topside. that way i can acquire more stuff from the town. i’ll be able to carry more and reach higher shelves!
Gnome: i was concerned for a minute. but theres nothing more gnoman the desire to possess anothers belongings.
Man: well, no one is more gnome than me. because im going to take the whole town.

Man: Von Krieger checking in sir.
Man on headset: Colonel Von Krieger? but… thats impossible! you’re imaginary! i thought i made you up!
Von Krieger: thats the energy field sir. im inside the dome. anyone outside wont believe i exist.
Man on headset: this energy dome sounds like a great place to set up our new facility for classified technology.
Von Krieger: thats why im here. guess the mission got fictionalised too.
Man on headset: so the great Von Krieger is real! and we’re best pals, too, am i right?
Von Krieger: no, sir. that part is made up.

Henry: it appears we are at a stalemate, vampire. let’s negotiate.
Vampire: very well. you hit with with a pie and humiliated me. therefore, i get to throw a pie at you.
Henry: sounds reasonable.
Vampire: really? you’ll let it hit you? not pass through you?
Henry: yeah. sure i will.
Howie: what happened. what did he say.
Henry: heres how its gonna go down. we’re gonna walk out there single file. i’ll go first.

[ pie passes through henry and hits howie]
Vampire: close enough.
Henry. you understand, right Howie! ive got a reputation to uphold, and the invisible man couldnt take the hit– it would give the game away and i couldnt do charity work anymore. plus, i’d have to get the suit dry cleaned and i really dont have time for that.

Von Krieger: (to skunk-ape) greetings, monster! My name is Colonel Von Krieger, secret government agent! i have come to your city to… live among you and… study your ways.
[Skunk-ape bonks him over the head]
Von Krieger: This is so going in my mission report.