Monsterhood

Henry: i can tell can tell by your blank stare you’re still wondering if this is all in your head. but let me assure you that i’m real at least.
Howie: Are you sure? because you are semitransparent… and you do pass through solid objects… and you don’t even have legs! you exhibit all classic hallmarks of being a hallucination.
Henry: do you think you could image me up with some knees, at least? where am i supposed to rest my elbows?

[Howie yelling into streets]
Howie: Attention monsters! You are NOT REAL! Please return to my subconscious where you belong! I repeat, you are imaginary! please go quickly and quiet- WHOA!
[Howie is pulled into an alleyway]
[skunk-ape holds Howie up at eye level]
Skunk-ape: Have you been messing with the sky by any change?

Skunk-ape: The town is inside an energy field that protects us from the outside world. It makes people believe that nothing inside the bubble is real. I think when the kite broke the field, you got hit with the effects. that’s why you though all this was in your head. it will probably were off soon. we call it the Doubt-O-Dome.
Howie: that’s a pretty terrible name for it.
Skunk-ape: Hey, you don’t have to tell me! i voted for Unbeliev-A-Bubble.

[Howie rings Vampires doorbell]
Howie: You told me the sky was fake!
Vampire: Oh, yeah. about that. it’s not.
Howie: So how DO you go out during the daytime?
Vampire: Augh. if it’s SO important then i’ll just tell you. wait here while i finish up this phone call.
[Howie waits at the door while Vampire flies out a window above Howie… as a bat]

Howie: So i guess this is all real, then.
Skunk-ape: You sound disappointed
Howie: Oh, i’m still glad to be here. it’s just… the idea that my brain was dealing with it somehow was comforting.
Skunk-ape: Death’s a funny thing. it’s hard to know what you feel.
Howie: Death?! i never said my parents were dead. my parents were taken by aliens.
Skunk-ape: but there’s no such– er… i mean… you wanna see a yo-yo trick i’m working on? it’s called ‘Don’t hit yourself in the face’. i haven’t quite mastered it yet, though.

*MONSTERHOOD BOOK CLUB*
*did you know that many monster town residents have written books? Well, they have*
*MUMMIFIED PHARAOH LEADERSHIP*
Pharaoh on Cover: ‘some say the command and control style of leadership is outdated… Well, so am I.’
*SKUNK-APE’S RODENT RECIPES*
Skunk-ape on Cover: From vermin to vichyssoise! All the RO-DOs and RO-DON’Ts!
*ALL PURPOSE LABOUR ROBOT MODEL 1220HPT*
*INSTRUCTION MANUAL*
*BY ALL PURPOSE LABOUR ROBOT MODEL 1220HPT*
[Labelled diagram of all purpose labour robot model 1220hpt]

Vampire: You should really think about becoming a vampire.
Howie: No, thanks.
Vampire: Why not?
Howie: For a start, i don’t want to grow fangs.
Vampire: I think of it as ‘orthodontic enhancement’.
Howie: And i don’t want to sleep during the day.
Vampire: we call it ‘enjoying the night life’
Howie: Then there’s the fact you have to DIE to become a vampire.
Vampire: There is some MINOR soul dislodgement, yes…

[blob-like creature walks up to person at front desk.
Blob-like creature: I’d like to apply for unemployment.
Person at front desk: Do you have a form?
Blob-like creature: Uh… no.
Person at front desk: No form, huh? You have to have a form. Come back when you have a form.
[Blob-like creature turns into the Person at front desk]
Blob-like creature after it turns into the Person at front desk: Ohhhhh. FORM.

Howie: Ugh this town is filthy. how do you put up with it?
Skunk-ape: Sometimes it gets to me, but then i just pretend that i’m walking through the forest on an autumn day and the tin cans and bottles are just dried leaves crunching underfoot. that’s how i put up with it.
Howie: Or you could, you know, clean up.
Skunk-ape: Crunch crunch crunch

Skunk-ape: Pizza party!
Vampire: Woo!
Howie: Shh! I’m ordering! What does giant mutant-lizard want?
Skunk-ape: Two large Hawaiians and a Mexican.
Howie: He knows we’re ordering pizza not people, righ?
Skunk-ape: I’ll Check. HEY, LIZARD! He says he just wants garlic bread.
Vampire: Uhh… Hello? Garlic?
Howie: *sigh* I’ll call you back.