Monsterhood

[town filled with robots]
Howie: wait! Which one is the original robot?
Robot 1: we all are!
Robot 2: WE DIVIDED LIKE CELLS REMEMBER?
Howie: If you’re identical, then why are you fighting?
Robot 2: OUR INDECISION ABOUT HUMANS HAS DIVIDED BETWEEN US.
Howie: But you can’t just go to war in the middle of town! what about the monster’s code?
Robot 1: The monster’s code is about harming other monsters.
Robot 2: IT DOES NOT APPLY TO METAPHORICAL REPRESENTATIONS OF INTERNAL CONFLICTS!

[Skunk-ape running through robots]
Skunk-ape: …from the Professor…
Howie: Whatever it is, it’s… There are robots everywhere now!
Skunk-ape: You don’t understand! Just read it!
Howie: Boy, you’d think for a guy with four hand, at least one of them would write legibly.

Human-hating Robot: I found the leader!
Human-hating Robots: ALL HAIL MALEVOLENT SUPERCOMPUTER! WE SERVE THE SERVER!
Human-loving Robots: No one can make us surrender the human loyalties stored in our short term memory!
[Howie reading note]
Howie: “Reset the Robots”?!

Robot: Reset ourselves?! But then we’ll forget everything you’ve taught us about being human!
Howie: But you’ll trigger the wireless backup. supercomputer shuts down whenever he processes complex information. we’re hoping that if enough robots reset at once, the amount of data will be able to knock him out for ages.
Robot: you realise if this doesn’t work then supercomputer will have a unified army of Human-hating droids… And there’s nothing to stop them conquering the earth?
Howie: I know.
Robot: Okay. just making sure you’ve thought this through.

[SUPERCOMPUTER and all the other robots shut down]
Skunk-ape: it’s over.
Howie: The robots didn’t make it… they were all too damaged.
Professor: There may be enough parts around to rebuild robot. But i’ve put SUPERCOMPUTER in storage he’s just too dangerous. it’d take some serious computer skills to bring him back online and i’m sure not going to do it.
*SECRET GOVERNMENT FACILITY IN THE FUTURE*
[Scientist lifts up sheet]
Scientist: Hey, cool! there’s a supercomputer down here!

[ghost comes out of wall]
Ghost: VAAAMPIIIRE!
Vampire: what?
Ghost: It is I, Jacob Vampire! Your dead then undead then dead again business partner! Tonight you will be visited by threeee ghooosts!
Vampire: What? Is Stuart coming over? i really wish he’d call first
Ghost of Jacob Vampire: No, not Stuart,
Vampire: Not that little punk Henry Polter–
Ghost of Jacob Vampire: THEY’RE NOT GHOSTS THAT LIVE HERE!

Ghost of Christmas Past: I am the Ghost of Christmas Past! I have come to show yo Christmases from previous years.
[looks into past christmas]
Ghost of Christmas Past: Now this is– wait a minute! that’s ME! But in last years fashion! you’ve had the three ghosts treatment before?
Vampire: yeah. I guess i’m not big on changing. But i did bring my camcorder this tim, so you can take next Christmas off.
Ghost of Christmas Past: fine. let’s go.

Ghost of Christmas Present: I am the Ghost of Christmas Present! I’ve come to show you what you’re missing this Christmas!
[Ghost of Christmas Present hugs Vampire]
Vampire: I’m missing my personal space right now.
Ghost of Christmas Present: They can’t see or hear you, and you can’t touch anything. but do you see what fun they’re having?
Vampire: please. i would have seen this anyway by flying in as a bat and hanging from the rafters. Plus with my method i can swoop down an steal trail mix while they’re all taking their turkey naps.

Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: I am the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come!
Vampire: I Don’t think you’re supposed to talk.
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Oh no! really? Please don’t tell my boss! I can’t lose another job this close to Christmas!
Vampire: Fine.
[Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come opens a coffin]
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: So anyway… Behold your future!
Vampire: Uh… That’s my bed. it’s a vampire thing.
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: But, you’re gonna go to bed later, right?
Vampire: Well, yeah, but
Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come: Behold your future!

Vampire: Merry Christmas, kid!
Howie: Huh?
Vampire: That turkey still in the shop window?
Howie: The one as big as me? no, it sold this morning.
[Vampire holds massive turkey and pats it]
Vampire: Heh heh. I know.
[Howie walks up to Skunk-ape, The Mummified Pharaoh and Miss Gorgon with his torso stuffed inside a massive turkey]
Howie: Vampire’s a jerk, everyone.