Monsterhood

Howie: well, i suppose its goodbye, monster town. i really thought i belonged here, but i guess not. i wonder where i’ll end up next? maybe i’ll just wander for a while. i could really just use some space right now.
[Howie opens the gates and sees a spaceship]
Howie: thats a little more space than i had in mind…

Howie: oh boy! a real deal alien spacecraft!
Von Krieger: not so fast kid. that my ship.
Howie: really? you dont look like an alien.
Von Krieger: well you dont look like a werewolf. shouldnt you be howling and snarling right now?
Howie: nope. not a full moon.
Von Krieger: true… but a werewolf wouldve known without looking up.
Howie: oh.

Howie: im still not convinced you’re an alien.
Von Krieger: of course im an alien. ive got a flying saucer– vehicle of choice for outer space travelers. And superior technology– another trait of highly advanced species.
Howie: And you’re super bald too! Aliens are always bald.
Von Krieger: Aliens are also a little sensitive about that.

Howie: can you help me find my parents? they were abducted by aliens.
Von Krieger: your… parents?
[Von Krieger looks at photo howie shows him and reveals their names]
Von Krieger: oh, uh… yeah. bill and maggie. they’re living on my planet. nice folks.
Howie: will you take me to see them?
Von Krieger: sure. but first… would you mind helping me move?

Von Krieger: well done, robot! now to fix your little memory problem.
Robot: ready for instructions!
Von Krieger: heres some instructions… throw all the monsters out of this town.
Howie: woah! what?
Von Krieger: oh, uh… its a programming term. it means ‘find all the errors in your system and remove them’
Howie: oh, ok!
Von Krieger: oh, except for the professor. bring him to me.
Howie: Waaiiiit…
Von Krieger: programming term!

Von Krieger: they’re all here, in the town square. just like you said.
Howie: they’re all probably wondering about their papers. but a friendly visitor from space is much bigger news!
Von Krieger: How should i greet them?
Howie: How about ‘i come in peace’ or ‘ i mean no harm.’
Von Krieger: i was thinking more like VZAARK.
Howie: VZAARK?
[Lasers make a VZAARK sound as they are shot into the town square]

Magic Fairy Lady: ok, flying saucer… how’d you like to be a real saucer? its fairy magic tea party time!
Gnome: all right, little green men. how’d you like to be even littler green men. time to get shrunk, gnome magic style!
Professor: NO! Dont cross the streams!
Magic Fairy Lady: nice going, gnome. Now im shorter than you.
Gnome: cant… move… face…

Howie: So im guessing you’re not a friendly alien who’s come to share their technology?
Von Krieger: friendly alien? No. But i am being rather generous with the lasers, dont you think?
Howie: You’ll never get away with this!
Von Krieger: Yeah? Who’s gonna stop me?
Henry: I bet if i saved the town, i’d get like a million billion karma credits.

Von Krieger: Go get em, robot! get rid of those monsters and bring me the professor!
Invisible man: ahem.
Von Krieger: huh? who are you?
Invisible man: i am the invisible man, and you have ten seconds to get out before i open fire.
Henry: that would be so much more of a threat if this thing shot more than pies and newspapers.